Thursday, May 14, 2015
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Another Obama miracle!
One morning a man came into the White House on crutches. He stopped in front of a picture of Obama and then threw away his crutches.
A Secret Service agent witnessed the scene and ran into the Press room to tell Robert Gibbs what he had just seen.
“You’ve just witnessed a miracle!” Gibbs shouted. The journalists in the press room cry out, “Where is this man now?”
“Flat on his back over by the picture,” says the agent.
Obama caught with his teleprompter
Bill Clinton snuck through the door of the oval office and found Obama sitting at his desk with the teleprompter wearing a blue dress and positioned between his legs.
Clinton says, "What's going on here?!"
Shocked, Obama stood the teleprompter up, pulled the neck line down, and read, "It's not what you think."
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Decoding TV Network Acronyms
NBC: New Barack Channel
ABC: Another Barack Channel
MSNBC: My Seriously New Barack Channel
CBS: Continuous Barack Show
More Obama Q&A
Q: What's the main problem with Barack Obama jokes?
A: His followers don't think they're funny and everyone else doesn't think they're jokes.
Q: Why does Barack Obama oppose the Second Amendment?
A: It stands between him and the First.
Q: What's the difference between Rahm Emanuel and a carp?
A: One is a scum sucking bottom feeder and the other is a fish.
Q: What's the difference between Greta Van Susteren and Barack Obama?
A: Greta only talks out of one side of her mouth.
Q: What's the difference between a large pizza and the typical Obama backer?
A: The pizza can feed a family of four.
Q: What's the difference between a zoo and the White House?
A: A zoo has an African lion and the White House has a lyin' African.
Q: What's the difference between Obama and Hitler?
A: Hitler wrote his own book.
Q: What's another difference between Obama and Hitler?
A: Hitler got the Olympics to come to his country.
Q: Why doesn't Obama pray?
A: It's impossible to read the teleprompter with your eyes closed.
Short message from Barack Obama in an airport restroom
In the washroom at the airport I saw a handwritten sign posted over one of those hot air hand dryers: "Please push button and listen for a short message from the President!"..........There's nothing like "hot air" and the smell of crap to give you that true Obama experience!!!!
Obama helps register Chicago voters
Like any corrupt Chicago politician, Barack Obama would frequently go the cemetery to register voters. One night he came across a grave so old and worn that he couldn't make out the name on the tombstone. The staffer holding the flashlight got impatient and suggested that they just move on to the next plot. Obama angrily exclaimed, "This person has as much right to vote as anyone else here!"
Barack Obama goes to KFC
Barack Obama walks into a KFC:
OBAMA: “Give me two breasts, a thigh, mashed potatoes & gravy and a Perrier.”
CLERK: “That will be $6.66.”
OBAMA: “HEY bud, I’m a Socialist and a Democrat when I said ‘give me’ I meant it!”
Top Ten Indicators Your Employer Has Switched to Obamacare
10. Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters.
9. Directions to your doctor’s office include “Take a left when you enter the trailer park.”
8. The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.
7. The only proctologist in the plan is “Gus” from Roto-Rooter.
6. The only item listed under Preventive Care Coverage is “An apple a day..”
5. Your primary care physician is wearing the coveralls you gave to Goodwill last month.
4. Where it says, “The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges,” it’s not a typographical error.
3. The only expense that is 100% covered is “embalming.”
2. Your Prozac comes in different colors with little M’s on them.
AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU’VE JOINED OBAMACARE:
1. You ask for Viagra and they give you a Popsicle stick and duct tape.
Obama One Liners and Q&A
The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree - and think 25 to life would be appropriate.
America needs Obamacare like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.
Q: Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser.
Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners.
Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved?
A. America.
Q: What was the most positive result of the "Cash for clunkers" program?
A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road.
Q: What do Obama and God have in common?
A: Neither has a birth certificate (but God does not think he is Obama)
The USA leads in Medical Science
A doctor from Israel says: "In Israel the medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's testicles; we put them into another man, and in 6 weeks he is looking for work."
The German doctor comments: "That's nothing, in Germany we take part of the brain out of a person; we put it into another person's head, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work."
A Russian doctor says: "That's nothing either. In Russia we take out half of the heart from a person; we put it into another person's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work."
The U.S. doctor answers immediately: "That's nothing. My colleagues, you are way behind us....in the USA (about a year ago) we grabbed a person with no brains, no heart, and no balls....we made him President of the United States, and now.......the whole country is looking for work!!!!!!"
Barack Obama goes to Burger King!
Obama drives up to the Burger King window and says, “gimme a double whopper”. Guy at window says, “sure. I voted for you and you have my full support”
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Coal Transport to Mt. Rushmore
I-90 will be closed tomorrow across South Dakota. They're hauling a 200 ton lump of coal so they can add Obama to Mount Rushmore. They couldn't find a 200 ton piece of manure.
Great News!
Just wanted to let you know - today I received my 2010 Obama Stimulus Package. It contained two watermelon seeds, cornbread mix, and 10 coupons to KFC. The directions were in Spanish.
Hope you get yours soon.
My Father Is A Stripper In A Gay Bar
One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up -- fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth.
However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he finally replied, 'Okay...my father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money.'
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and then took little Justin aside to ask him,
'Is that really true about your father?'
'No', the boy said, 'He actually works for the Democratic National Committee and helped get Barack Obama elected President last year, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the class.'
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